Tracey Mayberry, tenant of a rental property owned by Al Gore in Carthage, Tennessee, has publicly complained about her landlord's maintenance practices. "The plumbing's been stopped up for going on 7 months. I have called for help in fixin' the problem and haven't heard a peep", she told reporters. "The smell is so bad that I have to use chlorine bleach to cut thru the fumes." She and her husband have been forced to move into their Ford pickup truck to avoid upchucking their meager supper.
This reporter contacted Al Gore who was on a campaign swing at an elementary school in Topeka, Kansas. When I found him he was being asked tough, penetrating questions by the fourth grade class. I interrupted the grilling and asked him to comment on his tenant's complaint. "My attorney's have told me that there is no controlling legal authority for stopped up toilets", he explained. "Furthermore, I have no respect for stool pigeons."
He then began to give a summary of the findings of the private investigators he hired to look into the lifestyle of Mrs. Mayberry.
GORE: "She does not need to use so much water. Although we passed government regulations and installed 1.6 gallon toilets in the property, she continues to flush the toilets two, sometimes three, times at a sitting."
REPORTER: "I have questioned numerous plumbers and they generally agree that 1.6 gallon toilets are the cause of many plumbing stoppages."
GORE: "There is a reason for this. Many people are eating heavy, fatty, unhealthy foods that tend to overload the system. This is what is causing the cost of plumbing repairs to sky-rocket in this country. It is also contributing to the latest looming national crises - second hand flatulence."
REPORTER: "George W. Bush has recommended that we go back to 3.5 gallon flush toilets. He believes we were better off before the government regulations were put into effect."
GORE: "This is a "risky toilet scheme" which could affect the future of our children. The best way to solve this is for the government to raise taxes on heavy, fatty, unhealthy foods so their comsumption will drop and relieve the pressure on the nation's plumbing."
This concluded the interview. As I left the classroom I saw Al Gore reaching for a Twinky.